Skip to main content

I don't understand my students

Prescript: This is a rant. You have been warned.

During the last six weeks – the hiatus between the end of the old and the start of the new academic year – I've been teaching mostly at an eikaiwa. This happens twice a year, during the university's winter and summer holiday, and it kills me. Why? Here's why.

Please note that all these conversations were with upper intermediate to advanced students, i.e. you can't blame their poor English skills.

Topic: Small talk at start of lesson
Female student: I was in New York for three weeks to study English.
Teacher: New York? Great! What was the highlight of your stay?
Student: I went to an outlet mall.
Teacher: You were in New York  and your highlight was an outlet mall?
Student: Yes, it was very good.
Teacher: o.0

Topic: The benefits and disadvantages of globalisation
Student: Globalisation isn't good for Japan.
Teacher: No? Why not?
Student: We can import food, of course, so that's good. We can buy cheaper food.
Teacher: There's more to globalisation than Big Macs. Anyway, cheap food? That depends. You can't buy cheap rice in Japan.
Student: ?
Teacher: Japan's import tariff on rice can be as high as 778%. That doesn't help the consumer.
Student: Oh, but imported rice is not safety. That's the disadvantage of imported food. It's not safety.
Teacher: Foreign food is dangerous?
Student: Yes.
Teacher: Japanese food is safe?
Student: Yes.
Teacher: So … what about the Snow Brand butter scandal of 2002, and the Fujiya scandal of 2007, and the rice scandal* of 2008, and the raw liver scandal of 2011, and the hotel menu scandal of 2013? What about Fukushima?
Student: o.0

Oh, dear hearts, you should never argue with a bluestocking book nerd info junkie teacher who used to be a journalist in darkest Africa. You can't win. I can shoot a real gun, too.
   
Topic: The 2020 Olympics
Student: It will be very good for Tōhoku.
Teacher (in her head): Think Zen thoughts, Ru, and don't say anything.
Student: It will be very good for Tokyo, too.
Teacher: Hmm. What about possible disadvantages?
Student: It won't be safety.
Teacher (in her head): Oh goddess here we go again.
Student: We will have many foreigners and that will be dangerous.
Teacher: Yup, right, we're all raging genocidal psychopaths.
Student: o.0

Topic: Crisis management. A big, extremely important multinational project has derailed for reasons beyond your control (e.g. political instability, global economy): it's behind schedule, over-budget, no possibility of catching up, demotivated staff worried about job security. What do you do?
Female student: I will take my team drinking.
Teacher: Heh?
Student: We will go to an izakaya. I will tell them ganbatte, kudasai. Then their team power (she meant team spirit) will improve.
Teacher: This isn't a Japanese team.
Student: Heh?
Teacher: It's a multinational company with headquarters in New York. Your team consists of mostly Americans and various other nationalities.
Student: We will drink together. I will tell them they will not lose their jobs.
Teacher: This is the USA. You get fired in the USA for not doing a decent job.
Student: They will work very hard. It will be OK.
Teacher (in her head): Screw this, I'm going to fantasize about British actors and their cheekbones. Amongst others.

Student: I am Japanese, so I like rice.
Teacher: I'm South African, so I like crime.
Student: o.0

Student: I am Japanese, so I speak Japanese.
Teacher: I'm from Africa, so I speak a Holistic Manipulative Multi-Modal Musical Mimetic Pre-Language also known as Hmmmmm.
Student: o.0

Student: I am Japanese, so I play baseball.
Teacher: I'm Afrikaans, so I grab men by their balls in a loose scrum.
Student: o.0
Teacher (in her head): Sod this, let's continue fantasizing.

* Imported, but the people who decided to sell the tainted rice, intended for use as fertilizer, to companies and schools were 100% pure Japanese.

Popular posts from this blog

Higanbana, a flower of loss and longing

I love this flower. I love all flowers, but this one, ah, this one comes packaged with the most wonderful stories. Its scientific name is Lycoris radiata; in English it's red spider lily; in Japanese it has several names including higanbana (ヒガンバナ), in other words, autumn equinox flower.


It's also referred to as manjusaka (曼珠沙華), based on an old Chinese legend about two elves: Manju guarded the flowers and Saka the leaves, but they could never meet, because the plant never bears flowers and leaves at the same time. They were curious about each other, so they defied the gods' instructions and arranged a meeting. I assume it was not via Twitter. The gods promptly punished them, as gods are wont to do, and separated them for all eternity.
To this day, the red lily is associated with loss, longing, abandonment and lost memories in hanakotoba(花言葉), the language of flowers. It's believed that if you meet a person you'll never see again, these flowers will grow along your…

Edo wind chimes: air con for your soul

Have you noticed that Japan has a thing about bells?
Watch people's phones: every second phone charm has a little bell that jingles with the slightest movement. There are bells on doors and bells at shrines and bells at temples. There are bells on traditional hair ornaments called bira-bira kanzashi, bamboo chimes tuned DFGA for your garden, bells are a symbol of peace (link) and their sound echoes the impermanence of all things (link).
From which one could correctly deduce that peace is ever transient.
Now, before I get sidetracked down a thousand rabbit holes, let’s focus on the real topic: bells, yes, but specifically wind chimes or fūrin(風鈴).

I would not to mine own self be true if I didn't include a little history lesson. Here we go:
The oldest wind chimes found at archeological sites in South East Asia are 5000 years old. These early versions were made from wood, bones and shells; and were probably used to keep birds out of cultivated fields and/or to ward off evil spirits.
C…

This is what my language sounds like

A while ago I promised I would do a post about Afrikaans songs. Oh dear. It's more work than I thought it would be, and it's aggravated by the fact that I've lost touch with contemporary culture in South Africa. (Please don't ask me about Die Antwoord. I don't get it. I don't want to get it.) So for now, while I continue my research, I've selected two golden oldies that are very natsukashii (that's a Japanese word for "dear" or "missed") to me. You'll notice the central themes that unite these songs: an abiding love for Africa, as well as loss and longing.
Quick recap: Afrikaans, my mother tongue, is a South African language developed from 17th century Dutch. It has adopted words from Malay, Khoisan and Bantu languages, but 90% of its vocabulary is of Dutch origin. Yes, I understand Dutch (with a bit of effort) and Flemish (easily). Afrikaans has about 6 million native speakers.
Tomorrow we return our focus to Japan. Tonight, son…

The princess who loved insects

Edit added 8 May 2013: This post receives so many keyword search hits for "The Princess Who Loved Insects" that I've published an updated post (with extra information) that focuses on the book. Click here to read it.)

Blogging has been an interesting experiment. I initially started two blogs, Rurousha for personal musings and Sanpokatagata for factual stories accompanied by photos. I've now decided I'll do all stories on this blog, regardless of the content, and turn Sanpo into a supplementary photo blog. I'm not sure it's a good idea, since I'm not a good photographer at all, but let's see how it goes.
It occurred to me that "nomad" is not the ideal name for my blog. I don't wander anymore; I want to live in Japan forever and ever amen till death do us part. Then I remembered that I've already stayed in six different apartments in Tokyo and although most of my income is derived from one company, I've been based in three diff…

Call it remorse

Something out of memory walks toward us,
something that refutes
the dictionary, that won’t roost
in the field guide. Something that once flew
and now must trudge. Call it grief,
trailing its wings like a shabby overcoat,
like a burnt flag. Call it ghost.
Call it aftermath. Call it remorse
for its ability to bite and bite
again. — Don McKay, from “Angel of Extinction,” Angular Unconformity: Collected Poems 1970-2014 (Icehouse Poetry, 2014)

The Princess Who Loved Insects (updated)

My blog gets so many search keyword hits about this particular topic that I've decided to update an old post about the Japenese story The Princess Who Loved Insects(虫めづる姫君Mushi Mezuru Himegimi).

It's contained in Tales of the Riverside Middle Counselor (堤中納言物語Tsutsumi Chūnagon Monogatari), a collection of short stories written in the late Heian period. It focuses on the adventures of a young girl who refuses to make herself beautiful and play the courtship game. She doesn't blacken her teeth and pluck her eyebrows (as refined ladies did in those days); instead, she spends her time outdoors, playing with bugs and caterpillars.


I refer to her as Ms Mushi (Ms Insect).  A girl this tough is definitely not a prim prissy Miss, she's a ballsy Ms. She's my favourite Japanese heroine. She's strong, she's rebellious, she refuses to pretend, she ignores society's stupid rules that fetter women. You go, girl! Long live caterpillar eyebrows!

Donald Keene mentions in hi…

Hiking along the old Tōkaidō in Hakone

How in heaven's name did Edo travellers walk long this road …


over this pass …

wearing straw sandals?!


Last week I walked along the old Tōkaidō (東海道East Sea Road) in Hakone while The Hero was trolling¹ for trout on Lake Ashi (芦ノ湖Ashinoko). I did it in sturdy hiking boots, and although my feet weren't disgruntled, they weren't entirely gruntled either, if I may paraphrase P.G. Wodehouse.




It was the first time I visited Hakone, and I enjoyed it so much that I'll just have to go again. Since The Hero agrees with me, I predict more Hakone posts, but this one will focus on my first trip's main goal: following the Tōkaidō, the road that connected Edo and Kyoto. The old road has been replaced by modern highways² and high-speed railways, but you can still walk along the original route between Moto-Hakone (800 meters above sea level) and Hakone-Yumoto (80 meters above sea level), a distance of about 10 km. The sea levels should warn you that it's a steep route.
I didn't…

The ultimate guide to Kanda Myojin

I'm floundering. I don't know how to start a post about Kanda Myōjin (神田明神), because how do you choose a highlight from this collection below?
The decapitated head of a rebellious samurai who's still haunting Ōtemachi is buried in the vicinity, and his deified spirit is enshrined here.It's been called the world's geekiest shrine thanks to its proximity to otaku heaven Akihabara. The shrine has a Facebook, Twitter and LINE account.You can see some extremely generously endowed young ladies on the shrine's ema.It has a horse. A real horse. A tiny living breathing pony.Birds protect it against fire.
See my problem? Where do I start the ultimate guide to the ultimate shrine?




Why Kanda Myōjin?
Let's be boring and kick off with my own connection with Kanda Myōjin, which is very simple: I've always lived within walking distance of the shrine. My first four years in Tokyo were spent in Kanda, blissfully close to the book district Jinbōchō, and I frequently passed …

Hiking along the Mitake Valley in Okutama

I'm lying. Exaggerating. It's not hiking; it's walking.

As a matter of fact, the Mitake Valley Riverside Trail has given me a new definition of walking vs hiking: if you encounter vending machines along the way, it's walking, not hiking.
I've done several hikes in Okutama, but I'm going to start with this walk because anybody can do it. It's exceptionally beautiful, truly pleasant and very easy. You don't need to be an experienced hiker, you don't need hiking boots, you don't need energy drinks – or Scotch – to keep going.

It starts at Ikusabata Station on the Ōme Line, follows the Tama River and ends about 5 km upstream. It took me about two hours of slow walking, many photos, frequent diversions and arbitrary stops to enjoy the autumn colours.
Let's do this section by section. Warning: this post is photo-heavy!
Ikusabata to Sawai

It takes 90 minutes from Tokyo Station. Take the Chūō Line to Ōme, transfer to the Ōme Line and get off at Ikusab…

Hi, Keanu! Here's the real story of the 47 rōnin.

Chūshingura(忠臣蔵). Is there anyone in Japan – nay, the world! – who doesn't know this story? It's been told in novels, kabuki, bunraku, films and TV shows, and now Keanu Reeves has tackled it in his movie 47 Rōnin.
When I first heard about the film, I was thrilled, but now that I've seen the trailer … uh-oh. It's a fantasy-adventure-martial arts mishmash that can't decide whether it's Star Wars, The Matrix or The Last Samurai; but perhaps the full-length feature is better than the trailer.


Everybody will be talking about it, though, so let's look at the real story of the 47 rōnin. It's based on historical facts. As briefly as possible this is what happened in 1701:
A country baron called Asano Naganori was appointed by the shōgun to receive the emperor's ambassadors. Since Asano was unfamiliar with court etiquette, a higher-ranking nobleman called Kira Yoshinaka was instructed to act as his mentor. Then disaster struck: Asano tried to assassinate Kira. …